The Cure for Loneliness

As Cathy and I travel and visit cross cultural workers, we hear common themes. One of them is loneliness, especially at the beginning of careers.  It makes sense, you have left your relational connections and moved to a new country, meeting new people, and learning new language and culture.  You become isolated.  How do you cure loneliness when you go on the field?  By building new friendships.

What is friendship?

Friendship is hard to define but easy to describe: friends are people we go to with our deepest dreams, needs, and questions, and who are lifelines to us. Friends are people who bring us life.

Why don't people have friends?

1. Isolation

One is that many people are simply isolated in the first place and, though they want more close relationships, they’ve learned to live without them.

2. Lack of awareness

Others are simply not aware of their deeper need.

3. Lack of skills

Some people don’t possess the required skills and abilities to deepen a relationship.

How do I develop strong friendships?

1. Knowing. 

You have objective information and personal experience with the person. You know where they live, their marital and parental status, what they do for work, their hobbies, their faith. On a personal level, you may know their history, their likes and dislikes, and their dreams and hurts. Knowing provides the foundation of whether or not this relationship will be a friendship, and how deep it can go. 

2. Liking. 

You want to spend time with each other. You are drawn to each other’s presence. When life happens, for good or bad, you want them to know about it, and you want to know about their life.  Chemistry with another person cannot be forced but you will never become best friends with someone you do not enjoy spending time with.

3. Presence. 

Friends spend time together. That is how knowing and liking happen. It may be a phone call, a lunch, an evening, a bike ride, a vacation. But time together is essential. The more time together between two good people, the better the relationship. There is a mutual commitment to be with each other, and you gladly pay the price for its benefits.

Application

You can neglect the care and maintenance of the relationship either in quantity (not enough time) or quality (what you do with the time). You may not notice it immediately, but friendships will either improve or diminish, depending on how proactive you are. Take initiative, and you will reap the rewards.

Questions:

1. Who are you building a friendship with?

2. What can you do to take the friendship to the next level?

*I have taken my love for reading and my love for workers and created a blog.  I read books and write what I have learned concerning thriving in cross cultural living.  The book for this article is 

"How to be a best friend forever" by Dr John Townsend. It is available on Amazon and IBooks.